Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it's good to see a guy up there in his 30's still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20's(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their 'dream girl"(who probably isn't giving them any anyway).
Hey…I'm sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, "dating" is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call 'em like I see 'em. (And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90's.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I'm about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I'll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or "approach positions"
The first one I'd like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it "the Blurt Out".
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you "blurt out" whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any "editing" on your part (Ok, here's an exception: if your first thought is, "Damn, I have to touch those breasts!" it's probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It's almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, "hey, I'm a sincere guy, with real guts. I'm telling you what I really think, and I'm putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?"
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, "Wow..you've got style to burn!" just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That's the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, "I realized if I kept hesitating, I'd never get to meet you and I'd kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I'm "Your Name Here"
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don't actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here's an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, "It's just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say "Hi"."
See the implied compliment? I didn't say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn't perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you'll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can't yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the "observation, comment or question". You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don't have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I'll ask myself is, "What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we'll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, "How do you like your Mercedes?" (See..simple question!)
Her response, "I love it. How do you like your SAAB?"
Ok, she's answering back, so I know at least she's friendly. I said, "I like it."
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, "It's too short."
She said, "What? The Mercedes. I think it's pretty long.
I said, "No, it's too short."
She said, "What is?"
I said,"Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive."
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, "I was talking about ME!"
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, "Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive trait."
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her "energy". For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments
about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite "approach position" the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, "I don't get it".
Usually, the response is, "Don't get what?" To which I always say, "The shirt. What's it mean?"
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, "Free the Afghans"!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, "who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?"
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn't need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the "Police Squad" movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as could, "Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do."
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn't stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, "Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don't make me call the management!"
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, "thinking loud"-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of "thinking loud".
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It's close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn't something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn't worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, "How long have you been a singer?"
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It's a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That's it for this issue. Next we'll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp today!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
How To Meet Women, Anytime, Anywhere, Part I
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it's good to see a guy up there in his 30's still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20's(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their 'dream girl"(who probably isn't giving them any anyway).
Hey…I'm sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, "dating" is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call 'em like I see 'em. (And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90's.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I'm about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I'll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or "approach positions"
The first one I'd like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it "the Blurt Out".
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you "blurt out" whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any "editing" on your part (Ok, here's an exception: if your first thought is, "Damn, I have to touch those breasts!" it's probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It's almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, "hey, I'm a sincere guy, with real guts. I'm telling you what I really think, and I'm putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?"
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, "Wow..you've got style to burn!" just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That's the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, "I realized if I kept hesitating, I'd never get to meet you and I'd kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I'm "Your Name Here"
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don't actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here's an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, "It's just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say "Hi"."
See the implied compliment? I didn't say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn't perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you'll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can't yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the "observation, comment or question". You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don't have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I'll ask myself is, "What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we'll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, "How do you like your Mercedes?" (See..simple question!)
Her response, "I love it. How do you like your SAAB?"
Ok, she's answering back, so I know at least she's friendly. I said, "I like it."
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, "It's too short."
She said, "What? The Mercedes. I think it's pretty long.
I said, "No, it's too short."
She said, "What is?"
I said,"Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive."
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, "I was talking about ME!"
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, "Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive trait."
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her "energy". For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments
about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite "approach position" the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, "I don't get it".
Usually, the response is, "Don't get what?" To which I always say, "The shirt. What's it mean?"
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, "Free the Afghans"!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, "who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?"
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn't need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the "Police Squad" movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as could, "Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do."
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn't stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, "Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don't make me call the management!"
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, "thinking loud"-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of "thinking loud".
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It's close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn't something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn't worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, "How long have you been a singer?"
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It's a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That's it for this issue. Next we'll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp today!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it's good to see a guy up there in his 30's still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20's(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their 'dream girl"(who probably isn't giving them any anyway).
Hey…I'm sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, "dating" is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call 'em like I see 'em. (And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90's.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I'm about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I'll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or "approach positions"
The first one I'd like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it "the Blurt Out".
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you "blurt out" whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any "editing" on your part (Ok, here's an exception: if your first thought is, "Damn, I have to touch those breasts!" it's probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It's almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, "hey, I'm a sincere guy, with real guts. I'm telling you what I really think, and I'm putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?"
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, "Wow..you've got style to burn!" just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That's the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, "I realized if I kept hesitating, I'd never get to meet you and I'd kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I'm "Your Name Here"
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don't actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here's an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, "It's just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say "Hi"."
See the implied compliment? I didn't say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn't perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you'll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can't yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the "observation, comment or question". You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don't have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I'll ask myself is, "What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we'll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, "How do you like your Mercedes?" (See..simple question!)
Her response, "I love it. How do you like your SAAB?"
Ok, she's answering back, so I know at least she's friendly. I said, "I like it."
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, "It's too short."
She said, "What? The Mercedes. I think it's pretty long.
I said, "No, it's too short."
She said, "What is?"
I said,"Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive."
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, "I was talking about ME!"
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, "Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive trait."
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her "energy". For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments
about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite "approach position" the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, "I don't get it".
Usually, the response is, "Don't get what?" To which I always say, "The shirt. What's it mean?"
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, "Free the Afghans"!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, "who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?"
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn't need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the "Police Squad" movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as could, "Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do."
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn't stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, "Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don't make me call the management!"
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, "thinking loud"-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of "thinking loud".
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It's close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn't something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn't worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, "How long have you been a singer?"
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It's a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That's it for this issue. Next we'll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp today!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Assertiveness Part 4
HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE IN SPECIFIC SITUATIONS
Being assertive can assist you to overcome awkward situations. Here are a few examples that can assist you to:
SAY "NO"
If you do not want to do something, you do not have to do it! Refusing does not mean you are selfish!
Do not feel compelled to give a reason.
Feel free to strike a compromise. "I can not organize your tag sale and I would be happy to donate some items."
EXPRESS YOUR ANGER
There is nothing wrong with feeling anger; it is the way it is expressed that can hurt people.
Do say something. The other person can not read your mind -- and do not count on sulking to get your message across.
Discuss the issue (and that issue only).
Stay calm
Avoid name-calling
Discuss solutions. Compromise.
"I am irritated that you are continually late. Is there some reason why you can not get here on time? Maybe we can change your schedule." NOT "I am sick and tired of this, you lazy bum!"
ASK FOR ASSISTANCE
Asking for assistance is natural and everybody can use it once in a while.
Make your request direct, clear and specific.
Give the person time to choose if he or she wants to do it.
Make sure the person understands that it is OK to say "No." "I have got to move before the end of the month. Could you lend a hand between the 28th and 30th?"
GIVE AND RECIEVE COMPLIMENTS
If receiving praise is tough for you, then just give a smile, a simple "thank you" or a hug, depending on the situation.
Do not insult the person giving the compliment by saying "Oh, is was nothing" simply say "You are welcome or thank you."
If you truly feel the compliment is underserved, acknowledge that, and still thank the person. "I was a bit disappointed myself and I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the support.
When giving praise, be sincere and specific.
PRACTICE YOUR ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS
Becoming assertive takes time and practice. Here is a plan that may assist.
1. SELECT A SITUATION in which you would like to be assertive. "I would like to tell my friends that I do not want to go out with them every Friday night."
2. OBSERVE HOW OTHERS ACT in the same situation. "Dibbie makes excuses. It works, and some people doubt her truthfulness. Tom simply says, "No, thank you. I would rather not.
3.REHEARSE THE SCENE by planning what you will say, how you will make your point. Practice in front of the mirror to be sure you look and act confident as well.
4. GO DO IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS "I do not want to go our tonight. I would just like to stay home and relax."
5. EVALUATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE and be critical and do not be too hard on yourself. "I could improve my eye contact. I was direct, I did not make excuses and it worked."
6. DO IT AGAIN .. You can do it!
YOU CAN BECOME ASSERTIVE AS NEVER BEFORE
SAY what is on your mind.
EXPRESS yourself directly, honestly and appropriately
RESPECT you own rights and the rights of others
Being assertive will make a difference in your life ... A DIFFERENCE YOU WILL ENJOY
Being assertive can assist you to overcome awkward situations. Here are a few examples that can assist you to:
SAY "NO"
If you do not want to do something, you do not have to do it! Refusing does not mean you are selfish!
Do not feel compelled to give a reason.
Feel free to strike a compromise. "I can not organize your tag sale and I would be happy to donate some items."
EXPRESS YOUR ANGER
There is nothing wrong with feeling anger; it is the way it is expressed that can hurt people.
Do say something. The other person can not read your mind -- and do not count on sulking to get your message across.
Discuss the issue (and that issue only).
Stay calm
Avoid name-calling
Discuss solutions. Compromise.
"I am irritated that you are continually late. Is there some reason why you can not get here on time? Maybe we can change your schedule." NOT "I am sick and tired of this, you lazy bum!"
ASK FOR ASSISTANCE
Asking for assistance is natural and everybody can use it once in a while.
Make your request direct, clear and specific.
Give the person time to choose if he or she wants to do it.
Make sure the person understands that it is OK to say "No." "I have got to move before the end of the month. Could you lend a hand between the 28th and 30th?"
GIVE AND RECIEVE COMPLIMENTS
If receiving praise is tough for you, then just give a smile, a simple "thank you" or a hug, depending on the situation.
Do not insult the person giving the compliment by saying "Oh, is was nothing" simply say "You are welcome or thank you."
If you truly feel the compliment is underserved, acknowledge that, and still thank the person. "I was a bit disappointed myself and I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the support.
When giving praise, be sincere and specific.
PRACTICE YOUR ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS
Becoming assertive takes time and practice. Here is a plan that may assist.
1. SELECT A SITUATION in which you would like to be assertive. "I would like to tell my friends that I do not want to go out with them every Friday night."
2. OBSERVE HOW OTHERS ACT in the same situation. "Dibbie makes excuses. It works, and some people doubt her truthfulness. Tom simply says, "No, thank you. I would rather not.
3.REHEARSE THE SCENE by planning what you will say, how you will make your point. Practice in front of the mirror to be sure you look and act confident as well.
4. GO DO IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS "I do not want to go our tonight. I would just like to stay home and relax."
5. EVALUATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE and be critical and do not be too hard on yourself. "I could improve my eye contact. I was direct, I did not make excuses and it worked."
6. DO IT AGAIN .. You can do it!
YOU CAN BECOME ASSERTIVE AS NEVER BEFORE
SAY what is on your mind.
EXPRESS yourself directly, honestly and appropriately
RESPECT you own rights and the rights of others
Being assertive will make a difference in your life ... A DIFFERENCE YOU WILL ENJOY
Monday, August 9, 2010
Assertiveness Part 3
Communication skills are a KEY to being assertive. Become AWARE of:
WHAT YOU SAY
* Be Specific, not general. "I have taken on more responsibilities - purchasing and supervising - and I think I should be compensated accordingly". NOT "You should give me a raise"
* Stay calm, becoming emotional or bringing up the past is counterproductive, i.e., "I had to ask for a raise last year too."
HOW YOU SAY IT
* Be steady. If you voice is too soft, whiny, shaky, sarcastic or threatening, you will not come across well.
* Use "I feel" rather than "You are" in your statements. I feel angry when you do not call to say you are going to be late." NOT " You are such a thoughtless jerk!"
WHERE AND WHEN TO SAY IT
It is best to be assertive most of the time. And some times and places are not appropriate.
The Classic, It is best to confront someone in private rather than in front of people.
It is common courtesy to discuss sensitive issues in private.
KEEPING THE FOLLOWING 4 POINTS IN MIND WILL ASSIST YOU TO INCREASE YOU ASSERTIVENESS
1. Use confident body language
-- Look the person straight in the eye, do not look down or away
-- Keep your body straight, do not slouch.
-- Keep your hands at your sides or in your lap. Do not tap on the table, fiddle with your hair or jewelry, fold your hands across your chest, or point your finger at the other person.
2. Be a good listener
-- Give your full attention to the person who is speaking.
-- Show your interest by responding. Do not simply nod you head in agreement.
-- Briefly summarize in your own words what the person said. It helps eliminate misunderstanding.
3. Respect yourself
-- Realize that you are worthy and have something to offer. Your ideas are important and others can benefit from them.
Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses.
Recognize those things you do well. Do not discount them because they are easy for you.
Take gradual steps toward overcoming your weaknesses. Reward yourself as you improve.
4. Respect Others
+ Everybody has the right to express feelings and opinions.
+ Realize the difference between assertion and aggression. Keep each clear. There is no need to threaten, punish or false influence other people. If you treat them with respect, they will treat you with respect.
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WILL BE STRONGER, HEALTHIER AND MORE ENJOYABLE WHEN THEY ARE BASED ON MUTUAL RESPECT.
WHAT YOU SAY
* Be Specific, not general. "I have taken on more responsibilities - purchasing and supervising - and I think I should be compensated accordingly". NOT "You should give me a raise"
* Stay calm, becoming emotional or bringing up the past is counterproductive, i.e., "I had to ask for a raise last year too."
HOW YOU SAY IT
* Be steady. If you voice is too soft, whiny, shaky, sarcastic or threatening, you will not come across well.
* Use "I feel" rather than "You are" in your statements. I feel angry when you do not call to say you are going to be late." NOT " You are such a thoughtless jerk!"
WHERE AND WHEN TO SAY IT
It is best to be assertive most of the time. And some times and places are not appropriate.
The Classic, It is best to confront someone in private rather than in front of people.
It is common courtesy to discuss sensitive issues in private.
KEEPING THE FOLLOWING 4 POINTS IN MIND WILL ASSIST YOU TO INCREASE YOU ASSERTIVENESS
1. Use confident body language
-- Look the person straight in the eye, do not look down or away
-- Keep your body straight, do not slouch.
-- Keep your hands at your sides or in your lap. Do not tap on the table, fiddle with your hair or jewelry, fold your hands across your chest, or point your finger at the other person.
2. Be a good listener
-- Give your full attention to the person who is speaking.
-- Show your interest by responding. Do not simply nod you head in agreement.
-- Briefly summarize in your own words what the person said. It helps eliminate misunderstanding.
3. Respect yourself
-- Realize that you are worthy and have something to offer. Your ideas are important and others can benefit from them.
Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses.
Recognize those things you do well. Do not discount them because they are easy for you.
Take gradual steps toward overcoming your weaknesses. Reward yourself as you improve.
4. Respect Others
+ Everybody has the right to express feelings and opinions.
+ Realize the difference between assertion and aggression. Keep each clear. There is no need to threaten, punish or false influence other people. If you treat them with respect, they will treat you with respect.
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WILL BE STRONGER, HEALTHIER AND MORE ENJOYABLE WHEN THEY ARE BASED ON MUTUAL RESPECT.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Understanding Assertiveness
To understand assertiveness let's start with common causes for nonassertiveness:
FEAR: of displeasing or hurting others or of being rejected or of making mistakes. Nonassertive people are often oversensitive to other people's feelings. They are afraid that disagreement will be misinterpreted as dislike for the other person.
FALSE BELIEFS: that they are unworthy or that they do not have any rights. These people think that if they assert their rights they are being self-centered, or that others' opinion are more valid.
LACK OF SKILLS: Some people never learned how to be assertive or were discouraged from being assertive as children.
Let's continue with some common causes of aggression:
INSECURITY: those feelings of powerlessness. Aggressive people often feel threatened and react strongly thinking they must protect themselves.
RELUCTANCE: to give up the perceived benefits of aggression. Some aggressive behavior make work in the short run because it intimidates other people. In the long run, however, the aggression gains only resentment ... not respect ... from others.
INEXPERIENCE: in expressing needs and feelings in any other way. Aggression can become second nature in some people.
AND PEOPLE can and do CHANGE the way they act ... CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR is really up to you! Nonassertive or aggressive actions often are the easiest and result when you put too much pressure on yourself, blowing things out of proportion. Learn to think calmly and rationally.
DEVELOP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE that says: It's OK to make mistakes. No one's perfect. I can say "NO" when I need to. I would like to be good at this and if I am not that is OK. I would like it if he went out with me and if he doesn't , that is OK. Asking questions does not make me look stupid and it is the best way to get the information I need. Just because I see it this way does not mean everybody else should agree. If I stand up for myself now and say what I really feel, it will be better in the long run.
FEAR: of displeasing or hurting others or of being rejected or of making mistakes. Nonassertive people are often oversensitive to other people's feelings. They are afraid that disagreement will be misinterpreted as dislike for the other person.
FALSE BELIEFS: that they are unworthy or that they do not have any rights. These people think that if they assert their rights they are being self-centered, or that others' opinion are more valid.
LACK OF SKILLS: Some people never learned how to be assertive or were discouraged from being assertive as children.
Let's continue with some common causes of aggression:
INSECURITY: those feelings of powerlessness. Aggressive people often feel threatened and react strongly thinking they must protect themselves.
RELUCTANCE: to give up the perceived benefits of aggression. Some aggressive behavior make work in the short run because it intimidates other people. In the long run, however, the aggression gains only resentment ... not respect ... from others.
INEXPERIENCE: in expressing needs and feelings in any other way. Aggression can become second nature in some people.
AND PEOPLE can and do CHANGE the way they act ... CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR is really up to you! Nonassertive or aggressive actions often are the easiest and result when you put too much pressure on yourself, blowing things out of proportion. Learn to think calmly and rationally.
DEVELOP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE that says: It's OK to make mistakes. No one's perfect. I can say "NO" when I need to. I would like to be good at this and if I am not that is OK. I would like it if he went out with me and if he doesn't , that is OK. Asking questions does not make me look stupid and it is the best way to get the information I need. Just because I see it this way does not mean everybody else should agree. If I stand up for myself now and say what I really feel, it will be better in the long run.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
About Assertiveness
What is assertiveness? It is speaking your mind and allowing others to do the same. Assertive people:
Say what they think, feel and want. Assertive people understand that they have the right to express themselves. Speak directly, honestly and tactfully - without excuses, apologies or "beating around the bush" Respect others' rights as well. An assertive person doesn't try to intimidate. There is a big yet subtle difference between assertive, nonassertive and aggressive. Be ASSERTIVE and notice the difference.
Because being assertive has many benefits. Have you ever wished you could:
Speak your mind clearly and effectively?
Say "NO" without feeling guilty?
Feel better about yourself?
Improve your relationships with others?
Disagree without seeming hostile?
Feel in control of your life?
Ask for assistance when you choose?
Get respect from THOSE others?
START by evaluating your behavior.
Take out a piece of paper and start writing. Think about how you interact with your family, friends, and business associates. Answer the following questions and notice how you feel and discover if you are Assertive, Nonassertive or Aggressive.
ASSERTIVE
* Are you confident without being overbearing?
* Are you proud when you do something well?
* Do you say what you feel without being hostile to others?
* Can you resist peer pressure?
* Can you give and receive compliments gracefully?
* Do you respect yourself?
NONASSERTIVE
1. Are you afraid that others will not like you if you disagree with them?
2. Do you remain silent when something bothers you?
3. Do you feel guilty when you say "no" to a friend, relative or salesperson?
4. Is it difficult for you to give or receive criticism?
5. Are you reluctant to ask for assistance?
AGGRESSIVE
A. Do you demand rather than ask?
B. Are you verbally or physically abusive?
C. Do you feel angry when others disagree with you?
D. Do you explode when someone criticizes you?
E. Do you feel that you have to win, that to compromise is to loose?
Tune in tomorrow to find out what causes each of the above and the clues to moving from one to the other as you CHOOSE.
Say what they think, feel and want. Assertive people understand that they have the right to express themselves. Speak directly, honestly and tactfully - without excuses, apologies or "beating around the bush" Respect others' rights as well. An assertive person doesn't try to intimidate. There is a big yet subtle difference between assertive, nonassertive and aggressive. Be ASSERTIVE and notice the difference.
Because being assertive has many benefits. Have you ever wished you could:
Speak your mind clearly and effectively?
Say "NO" without feeling guilty?
Feel better about yourself?
Improve your relationships with others?
Disagree without seeming hostile?
Feel in control of your life?
Ask for assistance when you choose?
Get respect from THOSE others?
START by evaluating your behavior.
Take out a piece of paper and start writing. Think about how you interact with your family, friends, and business associates. Answer the following questions and notice how you feel and discover if you are Assertive, Nonassertive or Aggressive.
ASSERTIVE
* Are you confident without being overbearing?
* Are you proud when you do something well?
* Do you say what you feel without being hostile to others?
* Can you resist peer pressure?
* Can you give and receive compliments gracefully?
* Do you respect yourself?
NONASSERTIVE
1. Are you afraid that others will not like you if you disagree with them?
2. Do you remain silent when something bothers you?
3. Do you feel guilty when you say "no" to a friend, relative or salesperson?
4. Is it difficult for you to give or receive criticism?
5. Are you reluctant to ask for assistance?
AGGRESSIVE
A. Do you demand rather than ask?
B. Are you verbally or physically abusive?
C. Do you feel angry when others disagree with you?
D. Do you explode when someone criticizes you?
E. Do you feel that you have to win, that to compromise is to loose?
Tune in tomorrow to find out what causes each of the above and the clues to moving from one to the other as you CHOOSE.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
How To Meet Women, Anytime, Anywhere, Part I
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it's good to see a guy up there in his 30's still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20's(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their 'dream girl"(who probably isn't giving them any anyway).
Hey…I'm sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, "dating" is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call 'em like I see 'em. (And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90's.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I'm about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I'll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or "approach positions"
The first one I'd like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it "the Blurt Out".
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you "blurt out" whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any "editing" on your part (Ok, here's an exception: if your first thought is, "Damn, I have to touch those breasts!" it's probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It's almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, "hey, I'm a sincere guy, with real guts. I'm telling you what I really think, and I'm putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?"
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, "Wow..you've got style to burn!" just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That's the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, "I realized if I kept hesitating, I'd never get to meet you and I'd kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I'm "Your Name Here"
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don't actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here's an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, "It's just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say "Hi"."
See the implied compliment? I didn't say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn't perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you'll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can't yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the "observation, comment or question". You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don't have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I'll ask myself is, "What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we'll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, "How do you like your Mercedes?" (See..simple question!)
Her response, "I love it. How do you like your SAAB?"
Ok, she's answering back, so I know at least she's friendly. I said, "I like it."
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, "It's too short."
She said, "What? The Mercedes. I think it's pretty long.
I said, "No, it's too short."
She said, "What is?"
I said,"Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive."
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, "I was talking about ME!"
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, "Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive trait."
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her "energy". For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments
about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite "approach position" the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, "I don't get it".
Usually, the response is, "Don't get what?" To which I always say, "The shirt. What's it mean?"
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, "Free the Afghans"!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, "who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?"
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn't need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the "Police Squad" movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as could, "Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do."
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn't stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, "Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don't make me call the management!"
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, "thinking loud"-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of "thinking loud".
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It's close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn't something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn't worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, "How long have you been a singer?"
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It's a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That's it for this issue. Next we'll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp today!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it's good to see a guy up there in his 30's still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20's(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their 'dream girl"(who probably isn't giving them any anyway).
Hey…I'm sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, "dating" is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call 'em like I see 'em. (And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90's.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I'm about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I'll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or "approach positions"
The first one I'd like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it "the Blurt Out".
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you "blurt out" whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any "editing" on your part (Ok, here's an exception: if your first thought is, "Damn, I have to touch those breasts!" it's probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It's almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, "hey, I'm a sincere guy, with real guts. I'm telling you what I really think, and I'm putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?"
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, "Wow..you've got style to burn!" just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That's the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, "I realized if I kept hesitating, I'd never get to meet you and I'd kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I'm "Your Name Here"
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don't actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here's an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, "It's just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say "Hi"."
See the implied compliment? I didn't say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn't perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you'll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can't yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the "observation, comment or question". You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don't have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I'll ask myself is, "What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we'll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, "How do you like your Mercedes?" (See..simple question!)
Her response, "I love it. How do you like your SAAB?"
Ok, she's answering back, so I know at least she's friendly. I said, "I like it."
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, "It's too short."
She said, "What? The Mercedes. I think it's pretty long.
I said, "No, it's too short."
She said, "What is?"
I said,"Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive."
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, "I was talking about ME!"
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, "Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive trait."
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her "energy". For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments
about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite "approach position" the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, "I don't get it".
Usually, the response is, "Don't get what?" To which I always say, "The shirt. What's it mean?"
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, "Free the Afghans"!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, "who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?"
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn't need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the "Police Squad" movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as could, "Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do."
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn't stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, "Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don't make me call the management!"
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, "thinking loud"-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of "thinking loud".
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It's close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn't something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn't worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, "How long have you been a singer?"
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It's a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That's it for this issue. Next we'll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp today!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
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